Friday, June 03, 2005

Thinking about winning the lottery

I've been thinking I'd like to win the lottery -- MegaMillions, to be specific. The jackpot is $106,000,000 for tomorrow's drawing. Take the single payout (recommended by most certified financial planners) and that would be $53 million before taxes and about $42 million after taxes.

Yeh, I could live on that. Perhaps.

Here are the top 5 signs of not spending the lottery winnings wisely:
  1. You gave Savannah and Trixie $60 mil each for a lifetime supply of lap dances -- but then forgot to get a receipt!

  2. Before: You start your day with Motley Crue on the clock radio. Now: You start your day with Motley Crue live in your bedroom.

  3. "Wait a minute... if I had mink seat covers, I could drive my Hummer naked!"

  4. Most of your winnings launched a chain of Kirstie Alley Fitness Centers.

  5. You're simultaneously dating Robin Givens,
    Anna Nicole Smith and John Kerry.
Hmm... food for thought. And here at MSN:
For a lot of people, winning the lottery is the American dream. But for many lottery winners, the reality is more like a nightmare.

"Winning the lottery isn't always what it's cracked up to be," says Evelyn Adams, who won the New Jersey lottery not just once, but twice (1985, 1986), to the tune of $5.4 million. Today the money is all gone and Adams lives in a trailer.
Ouch. All the tales told in the MSN article have one central theme: "Everybody wanted my money. Everybody had their hand out. I never learned one simple word in the English language -- 'No.'"

Here. Let me get started. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

Got that, folks. No. I'll be following Bob Sanford's counsel.

Of course, if I want to live life large, I could just take the top job at the White House. The President
and his squeeze don't have to pay one thin Roosevelt dime during their four to eight years at the White House. Add up all the presidential perks and subtract the wars, natural catastrophes, and economic disasters, and it seems like a pretty sweet gig.

Title 3 of the U.S. Code is what governs the cash at the president's disposal. Here's the basic package: For starters, he makes a salary of $400,000 a year, plus a $50,000 expense account to defray costs relating to the "discharge of his official duties." Traveling expenses: $100,000 per year. Entertainment: $19,000. As for taking up residence in the White House (including use of its bowling alley and movie theater), trips on Air Force 1, meals, and vacations at Camp David...all are comped.

By law, the prez is also entitled to "use of the furniture and other effects belonging to the United States and kept in the Executive Residence at the White House." Mr. Lucky Ducky is also appropriated up to $1 million each fiscal year to spend at his discretion for "unanticipated needs" related to the national interest. Then of course there are the gifts. Finally, when his term of office is up, he is entitled to an annual pension of $157,000 per year, plus office space, administrative help, and Secret Service protection.
So, either one: win the MegaMillions or win the Presidential election. I have about the same chance with each, I figure.

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