Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Satire at Slate

I think I might have quoted from the wrong Presidential press briefing. Here's the correct one from today's press conference:
THE PRESIDENT: And now I'll be glad to answer some of your questions. Mike.

Q: Mr. President, about the Democrats' victory in yesterday's elections—

THE PRESIDENT: Now, wait a minute, Mike. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I wouldn't be calling it a victory just yet.

Q: Well, sir, terminology aside, the Democrats have captured the House—

THE PRESIDENT: See, that's what I mean. Getting ahead of ourselves. As though the enemy has already won.

Q: The enemy, sir?

THE PRESIDENT: Well, not exactly the enemy. I just mean their sympathizers here at home. The enemy here. You know, the Democrats.

Q: Ah. OK. Well, to get back to the point, Sir, the Democrats did win the election—

THE PRESIDENT: Define "win."

Q: Well, they won the House. And if the returns hold true in Virginia and Montana—

THE PRESIDENT: See, that's what I'm talking about. Just because the enemy has been able to make some progress doesn't mean you cut and run. Quite the contrary; we ought to do everything we can to help prevent them from making progress. And that is what our strategy is. Elaine.

Q: Mr. President, the AP has called Montana for your opponents. You're down several thousand votes in Virginia. You're down, what, a dozen seats, at least, in the House. Why fight on? What do you hope to achieve?

THE PRESIDENT: This notion of cut and run, I just don't accept that, Elaine. Look, this is a conflict between a radical ideology that can't stand freedom, and moderate, reasonable people that hope to live in a peaceful society. I'm confident in our mission because I believe in the power of liberty. We have a plan for victory, and we will succeed. Jim.

Q: Sir, with all due respect, I'm confused. What exactly did you achieve in this election? Can you name a state where your party picked up seats in either the House or Senate?

THE PRESIDENT: Look, this is a hard fight, no question about it. But I believe that the strategy we have is going to work. We're building a Republican majority that can sustain itself, govern itself, and defend itself. I have great faith in our commanders on the ground to give the best advice about how to achieve victory. We're giving them the confidence necessary to come and make the right recommendations here in Washington, D.C. We'll give them the flexibility necessary to make the tactical changes to achieve victory. And so we've made changes, we'll continue to make changes. But we have the right strategy and the tactics necessary to achieve that goal. Terry.
For the full transcript, see Slate.

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